He Owed Me a Total of One Smile! ❤️

"Your credit card seems to have declined Sir."- muttered the counter lady.
"Would you have another?"

So, this happened. Two days only from today, I dogged outside to walk by the grocery store next to my residence in Noida. I am saying dogged because when you're home alone, you are generally in a fatigued head out of nothing and it takes all the guts to re-assemble your bones and persuade them to take your soul on an outing before your flatmates type-in 'Irresponsible' on the WhatsappChat. So, yeah, it was my turn to go family shopping that evening.

I Hate It.

"I am doing it only for you."- I said, holding a packet of Penne Pasta in my hands. Not in my head, I really said it loud.

After I was done shopping, pretty much with everything in my basket (And, I am pro at making good enough excuses for the stuff I usually forget), I moved towards the billing counter which had a queue of about 4-5 shoppers. After sliding myself to the end of it and keeping my heavy basket to the ground, I began to check out the chocolate rack which is usually placed around the billing counter.

Disclaimer: Lalit shouldn't be kept waiting near the chocolate bars, or else, it only multiplies his grocery amount.

5-7 minutes of waiting resulted into one of the most intense conversations and nostalgia of all the time. Wait, I am telling you what happened.

Just when I came as close as second in the queue to get my groceries paid, I couldn't help but tuned in to the chat exchange between the counter lady and the man who stood ahead of me. Now, this person, if I had to go by his looks, was an Army man in his early 40s (wearing a military jacket with the name plate on it and a very mucky trouser) trying to shop for some good food and baby products for home (I did wonder, why he couldn't shop all that from an Army canteen where he could have afforded it all at non-taxable costs.).
By the way, their chat emerged something like this-

Counter Lady- "Your credit card seems to have declined Sir. Do you have any other?"

Army Personnel- "I am afraid I don't."

CL- "Would you like to try cash to make the payment, Sir?"

AP- "Yes, sure. How much?"

CL- "The total is Rs. 1829"

AP- (He looked into his wallet for cash and became clear that he was short, after juggling between his wallet pockets) "I have around Rs. 1260 in cash. How much is the total excluding the diapers?"

CL- (after carting out the diapers from her computer screen) "Rs. 1380"

AP- "Please exclude the milk cartons too. How much, then?" (He was totally, calculating)

CL- "Now, Sir, it's Rs.1230."

AP- "I don't think I can afford the diapers and milk in cash right now. Bill me the rest of it."

I could totally figure out embarrassment and disappointment on the Personnel's face. He seemed to be very helpless. On the other hand, our queue was only adding in number.

"Excuse me!"- My inner-self jumped right into the middle of the scene. "How much is the total of both, if I can know?"- I asked breaking the queue and coming in the front.

Until this point, I didn't even look at the Army Person and was looking straight at the lady behind the counter.

CL- "It's Rs.449 + 150 =  Rs.599 in total for only these two."

"I will take that. Please add that up to my bill. Let him have the diapers and milk"- I voiced in a soft pitch, smiling at the Army personnel who looked startled. He didn't take a second to say- "Are you really sure, young man, because 600 is too much?"

I, for almost, expected that line of formality by the Army Person (since I come from a very identical background) and, hence, I was ready with an answer.

"I really appreciate your service, Sir. And, believe me, I work hard enough to atleast afford this much. So, there are no worries at all."- I said grinning at him.

"It is my pleasure, and thank you very much young man"- said his unsettled reddened face.

He paid his cash, just after this conversation. And, the lady in-charge started to pack all the products for the man before it was my turn.

"I will be honest, I am going through a very hard time right now, and my credit card seems to have given up too." He said, sarcastically smiling at me.

"I can totally relate. At some point or the other, we all go through hard times. You'll surely deal it with grace, Sir, one day at a time."

"May god bless you, Beta"- The only informal word-of-mouth I got to hear from him.

"Thanks. Nice to meet you."- Smiled again.


He left just after that. It was such an amazing experience to have. When I said- "I can totally relate", I wanted to say so much but simply couldn't due to shortage of time and space. But, now that I am penning it all down, I can atleast tell you about how I could relate to all this.


Being born in a family where death news arrives not in notice but in the television headlines, is never easy. I have seen a lot of 'woman from the family faint right after she over-hears her husband's name on a news channel' cases. I have known cases where Diwali crackers came in-hand, in the month of March when the son of a longing mother arrives after 3 years of guarding the borders. I know families where the mother asks the son to prepare for defense services in order to take over from where his elder brother, who's no more, left. But, one thing that has remained constant at the end of all of this is-

A new dawn is on its way to the horizon! ❤️

That's where my biggest lesson in life comes from. And, I realised it only when I quoted the Army personnel- "One day at a time". Believe me, the day you understand how much of time does these 24 hours or 1440 minutes or 86000 seconds offer, you will have your entire life changed the next moment. There are 86000 seconds of opportunities passing by you everyday, you have to stand up for what you love doing and do it with utmost passion and dedication. And, that's all.

That was my one good deed for the day. I have a plan- Let's make a habit of doing one good deed a day to get a smile in a return. You don't have to be helping in money all the time. Just help a stray dog cross the road, or take your sibling on a fun ride out of nowhere and nothing. Gift your Mom the haircut she wants on you (just kidding on this one, mine got me bald very recently) or help your Dad with work or do whatever you can get a smile in return for. Simple!

We're collecting smiles, remember! ❤️

Now, let me begin with you- Did you enjoy reading this?

I don't know ❤️

I don't know

if I'm in the crowd 

or do I stand alone

Whether I'm trying

too hard

or hitting it very slow

It's normal
that I laugh
in my pain

and rejoice my sorrows

I don't know

if I am falling moth 

to the flame

or just preying at

the mirage of fame

if I am digging it

so deep

or aiming at 

twinkling stars to keep

I don't know

if I want you along

for the shower

or wish to elate

solo singing for an hour

if I demand the crowd

to know my song

or if I just don't want

them to sing along

I don't know

if I'd tag around

while you're

sipping liquor

or come home, change

and sit idle quicker

if I want to

hover around

your arms

or do I tell you

that it seems prison

I don't know

if my silence

is speechless

or it's answering

it loud, for my heart

is just reachless.

if I am loving

you or lying around

or just loving you

for lying around

I just know

one thing for sure

that I'm broken

but also pure

I might get hurt

but never admit

for you are happy

and I won't quit

But, if you, ever,

get drowned in me

kiss my sins

and go mad, let's see

coz' then

you'll rest between my

Yes and No

and, when

you ask for one

I'll say-

I don't know. ❤️

Give Them A Clue, Never Tell Them Your Story ❤️

And, you thought story-telling could always be as soothing as watching a sand castle on a busy beach? Not that I am saying that I do not like listening to stories, but I am very certain of the opinion that you and only YOU are to know your story, no body else.

At this point, when you are about to confuse me with a Traitor, for asking to only believe in yourself and not in others, which includes your best friend, your family, your lover or anyone else, the only prompt I want you to keep is a chunk of self as serendipitously yours.

Yes, I will always ask you to LOVE yourself. ❤️

So, this thought is not mine, really, but have been learnt over an experience of about 5 years now. The problem begins- When you tell them everything about yourself. That's when it starts. You should share everything but YOU with your selective everyone. You would agree with me when I say with a raised eyebrow- "A lot can happen over a year". Your 'best friend' could become an 'only friend' and a mere 'classmate' at the end of time. Yes, things change, for good or bad, but they always do. But, your words once said, can only be forgiven, or be used for revenge but cannot be forgotten. When I call out the word mis-use, I don't mean a betrayal from them, but giving them (who might not hold the same importance in life anymore) a few pages of your personal diary might make you insecure about your privacy and repenting over value of time. Which brings me to saying this:

You don't need another Human to complete YOU. 

You can LOVE, only when you begin it from yourself. 

Learn that you are a universe in yourself. You do not want another individual for the sake of pre-wedding photo-shoots, after wedding promos, or a companion for a Malaysian trip after our society has pronounced you husband and wife. Forget NEED. Your finding Love should begin and must end at you, and nobody else. Not that it wouldn't be great having a pre-wedding photoshoot with the ONE you fall in Love with, because that would be awesome, but rushing over to find your that ONE is/will be a silly thing to do. It never rings a bell when it's meant to happen. HAPPEN is the word. But, you lose it the moment you think- I deserve to be loved by someone too, or fall in Love with someone too, as everybody else is. No, that is one false approach to  life and moreover, is like lying to yourself.

I will tell you a thing- Shhhhhhhh! It's a clue again, not my story. I know exactly what its like to lay next to someone and still feel alone. I know exactly what it's like to get damaged out of something you can't help falling in Love with. But, I am not asking you to stop Loving in either case. One thing if you're seeking my advice would be-

If and when you hug, hug harder. ❤

If and when you laugh, laugh louder. ❤

If and when you smile, smiler wider. ❤

If and when you Love, Love longer. ❤

Create a happy nest of yours, decorate it with what you have as your own set of values, and let it say for you. The ones who will Love what your nest stands for, will always STAY. They are the keepers. And about stories, have you ever wondered- Will anyone ever be able to understand your stories in the same intensity, or under the same wavelength as you? No one. You deserve to let your dear ones have a clue about who you are but keep the stories intact. They are utterly precious. They are yours. They are you. The real you. ❤️

I love this one-

I will never ask you to stop Loving people. Some of them will always stick to your ass and stay by your side. Some of them will turn dormant in touch. Some of them will get boring. I will still inspire you to stay busy in your hustle and let no opportunity in life turn into a regret. Be busy in making yourself a better You and let the mirror be your only competition. And, who knows, when you are really busy in the making, someone falls in Love with the process? ❤️

PS- All the 'Love's in the post have been capitalised for you to notice. It's, of course, of the highest honored words.

Don't you dare stop being you! ✌🏻


Love! ❤️

Jurassic Park of Oblivion ❤️

Hey Visitor!

This one's a little messy, demented and may/may not meet the quality of sagacity. I mean, have you thought about the number of times you talk to yourself about things you would do to your crush if became lovers? Or, if you have sighed indirectly about one's stupidity by faking a smile? Or, thinking about not thinking about caring too much for someone's comment on your sense of fashion in a busy class? Or, whispering tacitly to your inner soul about the promises you've made to your family about your career goals? Or, apologized to yourself for trusting an asshole who once gave you a vibe of forever?

I don't know if you nodded for how many YESes and NOs. But, you certainly have got an idea about what's this blog about. Yes! The Jurassic World within you which has dragons of thoughts offering shoutouts in no time, voicing fire of the most possible/impossible imaginations in your head for which you only smile at times, looking stupid, really really stupid. But, if you're reading this, I have something to tell you:

You don't have to be Clear to Live your Life.

There are, going to be, a lot of dinosaurs in the arena and trust me, they're gonna stay with you for thick and thin. But, that doesn't have to make you believe that you are 'over-thinking'. It's called talking and talking sorts it out. You may be confused about decisions in life and about the promises you've made to your dear ones, under the pressure of which you must've talked/motivated/scolded yourself a lot of times. And, that's what makes you a better person every time. You know your reality and you're the only mirror you MUST have, not any one else. Which brings me to saying this- You don't have to be free of confusion to follow your inner GPS. You are going right and you will make it, in your own time. 

And, you know what I've discovered?

That, the mind doesn't even know what it's talking about. Most of the time, your mind's creating the problem it's trying to get rid of. But remember that confusion insights clarity. Confusion in the mind is a solid proof for your mind functioning well. So, I am not asking you to stop thinking but rather stop obsessing about thinking too much because you are not. You are in the perfect state of sense everytime you're talking to yourself, or not paying attention to something/someone because you've dinosaurs crossing a brook in your head. Don't worry. You're totally sane!


Doesn't the thought of sitting next to your crush fill you in full spirits of jollity? And, you gush over it with a silly smile over the stupidity of mind? No. That's not your mind. It's your inner stripper. And, that's okay! You have to STOP blaming your head for everything. ❤️

Doesn't it fill you with angst to see someone do something very foolish? It's simply because you know the right way to do it. You don't have to be rude. Smile it out. You know the way, get away. ❤️

Doesn't it not matter at all when someone remarks over your fashion sense in more than one forms, only because YOU are the person to know what's your priorities in life. Or, your interests in being naked more than being clothed? They won't/don't get it, and it should be okay. Their world and priorities comprise of fashion, and your definition of fashion could just blow them off. ❤️

Doesn't it make you feel proud of yourself for you atleast promised your dear ones on the career goals you've chosen for yourself? Confusion is not the problem, not having any of it is. Your mind will tell you that you need to make a decision right now. It feels urgent, but it’s not. Take your time and be water to your decision. Become A if A was planned and B if not, and work hard in making you believe that B was better. ❤️

So, all I want to say is- I am confused a lot of times. The difference is that I know that it’s a part of life.

I don’t have to fight my way out of the fog. The fog disappears on its own accord. I do my best, but once frustration knocks on the door, I stop, and let go.

But don’t just believe me!

Experiment, and discover how this works for you.


To your confusions,
Cheers! ✌🏻

Best Fan Mail Ever? ❤️ (Asim Azhar) ❤️

Alright, ready for some unintelligent silliness? 

Wait, let's create the backdrop, first.

Well! Well!

Not very late but only 2 years ago, while I was foregrounded to submit my daily targets of moderations at the organisation I interned for (which hired me later, of course ✌), used to leave me constrained at times of the pressure to achieve my manager's desirable targets. It was the crest of summer on a very sunny afternoon while I was into the daily grind of being better than other colleagues at finishing numbers when I ceased all of a sudden. Yes, I, who had been sipping coffee all morning to remain efficient at work, got still for a while. 

What was it?
Was it a headache?
Did it hurt?
What exactly had happened?

must be all your questions, right?

I figured what that was. It was my earphones. Laugh a little. Not really my earphones but it was rather what was pouring in them. No, I wouldn't call it a 'voice'. Voice is an understatement, my friend. It was one of the best unheard resonance I came across in many years. I was so spell-bound by it that despite my tasks in hand, I simply switched back to the tab of the browser where it was playing. Let me show you my jaw-dropping moment:

Now, this, to you, must be a decent guy singing a Coke Studio number, but to me, it was lot more. LOT MORE. Moved by the voice, I looked for the name in description and there was my 'Target Achieved' ping in the brain despite my work load crying in the corner. It spelled:

❤ Asim Azhar ❤

Forget work, I ended up going home with a splendid playlist and the worst work day ever. I mean it. I couldn't work. Not my fault. It was the voice. There remained no cover by Asim that hadn't passed my YouTube bucket. 

Not one. ❤

From his home made videos, to his part-time funny compilations, I concluded the night with knowing the number of cats he has to the color he likes on his bedroom wall. Not even joking, Duh! XD

And, that's when I marked him my favorite in the Diary (Wait, I haven't introduced you to her, yet; she's a keeper of all the deep/dark little secrets). ❤

Who wouldn't fall in love with that smile? I ain't gay to say all this but if that means adoring him to the core, consider me one. 

Fast Forward to life and 2016 had arrived in its full stretch. I had a job in my hand and you know the firm in association, by now. And, as for the fan obsession, I had licked in all of Asim's Mangobuzz articles to interviews in the US and Pakistan, and gleefully waited for his songs to come out. And, while I was hoping for his rumored comeback in the same Coke Studio, Season 9, there released Episode 6. Wofffff! That feeling. That song. That voice. That man. I wished if 'WOW' could be a trillion letter word to never end. He had DONE the song, not sung but DONE it. You don't believe me? Ta da! Allow me to prove you wrong, here- 

See? I told yaa! 

It was then, I decided to write my life's FIRST FAN MAIL ever! Struggles are real when your mind is full of contemplations and yet so deserted. But, anyway, my inner wordsmith was determined as always to pen down something that would, if not reach him, entrust satisfaction to my fan-self. It said- 

From: Lalit Bhandari

To: AsimAzharOfficial

Hi and Assalamualaikum Asim,

I have less idea about how this works and not sure if this mail will ever reach you or not. But trust me, there are certain points that I want you to keep a note of:

Asim, you are an extremely amazing singer and I am saying it from the very bottom of my pounding heart. I had no Idea about you until the beginning of this year but came unforeseen was your song “Tera Wo Pyaar” with Momina which made me jump upside down for the kind of voice you carried all the way. Man, you are ONE superb talent to Pakistan. And, I MEAN it. You are going to make Pakistan very proud. From knowing your Birthday which is on 29th October to the two cats (I have 5 cats too) you have at your home, I have listened to almost every song you produced, sung and covered. I have become a true and a hardcore fan of yours. Amidst the growing tensions among INDIA and PAKISTAN, believe me or not, I listen to your music and it creates such a positive vibe around me that remains inexpressible in words. 

Falling short of them, I don’t want to make it a lengthy letter for you since it’s a guy writing (You shouldn’t think it’s a gay writing, hahaha!), I wouldn’t deny the awesome looks you carry. I have, by now, seen all your interviews because I feel, I am the biggest fan that you can ever have, at least from India.

Right now, when I am typing all this, I am at work with a lot of work pressure but I have nothing to worry as far as I can play “Tera Wo Pyaar” in repeat. 😍 It helps me work well. The only thing, I ask as a request, (humble request) is a REPLY to this mail through any of the social platforms and your mere saying of “Hi” would make my life happier than it is. All I ask for is a reply that I am dying for, since the day I heard you in the Coke Studio! I am going to deliver this message on all the platforms for your convenience to read it once and understand the fanhood you possess in INDIA who Love you from their souls inside out. Also, please plan a trip to India at the earliest because if you do so, I will not only buy but sell all your tickets to see you Live.

For all the love that you’ve showered through your soulful voice, Cheers!

Keep Shining, Keep Rising, always!

Love and respect coming all the way from New Delhi, India (A huge fan),

Lalit Bhandari

India

Could you guess the amount of love I possess for this young man? Don't you think, it's so prepossessing to love someone without having loved back, because all you want is them to be seen smiling, always? Haha! Oh! You're waiting now for me to tell you if he ever responded back to my requests ever! See it for yourself-

Yes, I am in awe of this, even today. He had made my day in acknowledging to my request on a Live chat one fine day. Very much like his voice, it's him that makes me so motivated in life. He's only 21, btw. He's my drug to peace, now. And, his songs rejuvenate my mood in split seconds of time for he is such a great singer. All I wish him is to conquer it all that he wishes for. ❤

I will leave you with one of his most recent covers from the Bollywood movie Hawaayein. Be ready to melt down, Ladies and Gentlemen- 

Until the next time! ❤